Late Night Musings

I'm taking a bit of a different route tonight (or today, by the time this will be posted)...this is the "Random Thoughts on Life's Journey" part of my blog.  It may be boring to some, or maybe all of my followers, but I find it necessary for me to get my feelings out.  This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time.

Let me first say that I'm not sure all of my followers believe in the same God I believe in, and that's OK.  We don't all have to agree with each other, I try to respect everyone's beliefs even though I don't necessarily agree with them.

I am a Catholic, proud of it, but sometimes I wonder where I belong as far as parish life is concerned.  I love my Lord, God and Savior...I have a personal relationship with Him and I'm glad I do, because sometimes I get very confused with the various parishes I'm in contact with.

First of all, I work for a parish in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, I like working there and will not comment on anything in particular there except that it's dynamics are different from other parishes...different leadership, history, parish life etc., I have no "issues" with this parish.  But being in contact with so many different parishes, all different in their own way, does sometimes make things confusing...at least for me.  I get frustrated and disappointed.

Today, I spent most of the day in church.  I first attended a funeral of a high school friend of mine.  Her funeral Mass was at the church where I resided from 8th grade through the time I got married.  It was and still is a very modest parish.  When St John Vianney was my parish, it had folding chairs instead of pews.  No carpeting, except for a runner that ran down the center aisle. 

The last time I was in St John Vianney Church was for my mother's funeral back in the 90's.  It hasn't changed too much, it still has folding chairs, only now they're padded!!!  The upstairs choir loft now houses what looks like air conditioners.  They no longer have a large organ, but just an electronic keyboard on the main floor. 

However, that funeral today brought back so many memories and I felt closer to God there in that "little" church than ever before.  Among the people there were two more of my classmates from the graduating class of 1964 (gee, I'm old!), and their family members.  I remember the day I was married there and when my parents went there as well.  My Dad sang in the choir.  The music, even just on a keyboard, was fantastic.  I really felt at home there!  Maybe I was just feeling nostalgic in my old parish.

This evening my husband and I decided to attend the 5:00 pm Mass at our own parish.  We joined this parish a number of years ago because it had so many things going on that we wanted to get involved with.  However, our pastors changed and things changed as well.  I won't go into too much here, but so many things have become "controlled" at our parish, maybe the leadership doesn't think anyone will notice, but we certainly do.  The leadership has taken all the joy out of serving our fellow parishioners.  Everything seems "contrived" if that is the correct word, I'm not sure.  I don't have the same feelings that I had when we first joined this parish.  I feel controlled, and things are manipulated to suit the leadership without any concern or regard for the parishioners in general...I'm feeling very uncomfortable there, the comfort and warmth is just not there any more.

I'm sure we'll stay at our current parish, because I'm not the type to change parishes at the blink of an eye...we were at our last parish for over 30 years.  Sometimes I feel like I just have to step back from parish life because I am so involved in different parishes.  Seeing the differences from parish to parish, though we all believe in the same thing, is a bit rattling and upsetting to me.  I'm just happy to realize that no matter where I am, I am there to give glory and praise to my Lord, God and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Leadership may come and go, but my personal  relationship with God will always be the same. I just need to keep focused on that relationship and not the human leadership and not the changes that may come our way.

Thanks so much for bearing with me through this post.    My final thoughts are for my dear friend Anna.  She was such a special friend.  When I started high school, I knew absolutely no one.  High school is scary enough, but when you know no one that makes it worse.  Anna took me "under her wing".  She wasn't part of the popular girls, the smart girls or any other click, but she was one of a kind!  She had an uplifting spirit and a heart of gold.  Her family didn't have a lot of money, neither did mine.  The best thing about her was that she came forward and saw that I needed a friend. 

I'm only sorry that our last luncheon date was more years ago than I had hoped.  She had two strokes and suffered with muscular dystrophy, but was always positive.  There were 4 of us, 3 remain....Anna you will be missed.  You made a difference in my life, I hope you know that.  Rest in Peace, I know you have been reunited with your beloved Allen.  I love you!